Over the weekend on Sat. night I went to a Festival with friends. A old friend of mine was already there and he kept getting closer to me throughout the evening. I didn't want to because he was a friend and I wanted it to stay that way. But, I was...More
Over the weekend on Sat. night I went to a Festival with friends. A old friend of mine was already there and he kept getting closer to me throughout the evening. I didn't want to because he was a friend and I wanted it to stay that way. But, I was stupid and ignored my gut feeling and ended up letting him kiss me. The next day, he wasn't talking to me and things were just awkward. The more I tried to kind of communicate by the way I act, the more it was awkward. I told him that I was hurt by the way he was acting with me on Sunday, but I couldn't understand why I got the answer he gave me. He told me that I made things uncomfortable while I was getting intimate with him (yes, I was very uncomfortable, so I was saying all the supid stuff that was going through my mind), and he said that I should look at how I behave before attacking others because he though I was just testing him. No I was not!!! Anyway. Once again, communication failure big time. I think he has some issues too, but I know that my communication skills are so bad that I always end up loosing friends because I'm weird and I act weird. Sometimes I feel it would be easier not to have friends so I don't loose them over me being weird or having dark sens of humor. When I manage to get invited to event, I mess it up and I don't get invited anymore. Because when I just meet people, I don't talk a lot, so I look quiet and shy, but I'm not. And as I get confortable with people, the real me comes out, and there goes the weird stuff. It's like I can't control it, I have to say it. And then I turn it into a joke because I realize I should have kept my mouth shut. It's hard to be real without judgement!
